I Am #Fearless, Mental Illness
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Snow Day Thoughts

I’m calling this snow day thoughts because I had a snow day and I’m terrible at titles. Seriously, it’s bad. We can play the title game sometime if you want and I’ll make you feel a level of winning that even Charlie Sheen would be jealous of. As in you’d feel the winning, not that you’d bask in my winningness. Trust me, my title making skills are pretty bad.

However, the topic of my blog today is actually an emetophobia book I read about two years ago that just resurfaced into my consciousness. I don’t want to give the title (no, not because I’m jealous of how much better they are about coming up with them – please… I’m not 5), but I will at least tell you a little bit about it.

There really isn’t much out there in the way of emetophobia stuff. And even the trained professionals that should be able to help us don’t know it exists. That sucks, a lot. But one day little old college-aged me found this book, That Book About Emetophobia (obviously my title because it sucks), and I thought I’d stumbled upon a wealth of knowledge I could use for years to come.

The only way that would be true if years meant never. Okay that might be a tad bit harsh, but it’s because the book didn’t have advice on how to overcome, only the authors personal story laced with common symptoms of a emetophobic. I started reading it, anxious to see that there was light at the end of the tunnel, and by the time I got half way through I felt like someone had cut my power and placed a light proof box around me. No way for natural light to shine through, and they hadn’t left me any matches or candles.

In a time that I felt so vulnerable to this phobia, this book was the last thing I needed. I already felt like I wasn’t going to get rid of it, I already felt like I would never have a family, and I already felt like no one understood me. I didn’t need to read 200 pages of someone basically saying, “You’ll never get rid of this, you’ll never have a (happy) family life, and no one will ever understand you. Ever.”

I remember going to my counselor that next week and saying, “This won’t be me will it? I’ll get over this right? I’ll figure this out and live a normal life…I have too. It won’t be like this, not forever.” To this day I wish I could go back and stop myself from finding that book. I think now it would be a vital tool for me to remember what it was like, and perhaps it could help me help others in the way I sometimes felt others couldn’t help me. Did that make sense?

So in an attempt to find a silver lining to this whole situation, I realize now it’s a great view inside an emetophobics head. If you have a family member, a friend, a healthcare professional, anyone who just doesn’t understand and isn’t susceptible to anxiety or panic about throwing up, buying one for them might not be a bad idea. But as an emetophobic looking for solace? I’d steer away until you are prepared for knowing you can get past that.

Basically, guys, I don’t have a solid reason for why I wanted to write this post. This is probably just because I’ve been sitting at home, browsing books and remembering a time I actually used to read more than 140 characters at a time on Twitter. No, I’m just kidding, I don’t get on Twitter. It’s also probably because several years ago when I found this book I didn’t have a blog to write on, or people to share it with.

And to be honest, I don’t know if the book is actually as depressing as I make it out to be. Maybe it was just teenage agnst coupled with this already invasive feeling of loneliness I had with this phobia. Who knows, maybe I’ll read it again and write another blog titled Snow Day Thoughts: The Re-Awakening (is this one better? ARE YOU PROUD OF ME YET? TELL ME YOU’RE PROUD OF ME).

Okay, I’ll call it quits for today. Tomorrow I’m posting the next segment of my Emetophobia & Me series, so be on the look out for that sometime in the evening. I promise, promise, promise the next time I write it will be about CBT. It’s just such a huge topic, and I don’t want to just throw up false facts or information that sounds like a five year old could have written it (see previous comment about me being a five year old).

Until next time, internet.

If you would like to email me, you can send any questions, concerns, comments or suggestions to contact@hashtagfearless.com. I will do my best to respond to you within 48 hours, but if for some reason I cannot get back to you in that time frame, I promise I will always respond as soon as possible. You can also find me on  FacebookTwitterPinterest and Instagram

Lastly, I run an Emetophobia Support Group on Facebook. Emetophobia is the intense and irrational fear of throwing up, and it is one struggle I am passionately engaged in. The group is a closed, by request only group to help facilitate sharing and support by all members. It is also private, meaning that the posts you and others make will not show up publicly in your newsfeed.

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