Let’s just cut to the chase: my husband and I don’t plan on having kids. That could change, but right now, we’re choosing to stay childless (excluding furchildren) for the foreseeable future.
There are a lot of factors that go into this decision, and I’ll get to those in a minute, but I want to spend the next paragraph or so delivering a very important message:
Nothing you say will change our minds.
Seriously. There is nothing you can say or do that will sway us to change our decision regarding children. We’ve had many, many discussions about this, and we’ve explored just about every single scenario out there. We, as a couple, always talked about having kids, but things change, and right now this is the best decision for us.
And, while no one who makes this same decision owe an explanation, I’m going to lay out just a few of the reasons my husband and I have decided to stay childless:
My Mental Health
I’ve heard this so many times when I put out my mental health as a reason: “Mental health didn’t stop me! I have anxiety and having a kid helped me overcome that because you have to!”
While there are MANY reasons that this could be true, and equally as untrue, I want to focus on why this is applicable to me. I have a plethera of mental health issues; emetophobia, anxiety, ADD, and OCD tendencies to be exact. I also have two dogs, both of which I love with all my heart, but I’d be lying if I said that they sometimes don’t overwhelm me. My dogs aren’t nearly as needy as a child will ever be, can sometimes break me mentally. And I know myself well enough that bringing a child into this world would be 10 times the stress and anxiety as a dog.
To put it plainly, my mental health is a major factor in my life and I know myself well enough to know having a kid won’t make it disappear. My mental heath is chronic, and the stress of a child would only exasperate it. I can’t take care of a child if I struggle to take care of myself some days, and I refuse to bring a child into the world if I’m not confident I can’t handle myself.
Kids are expensive. No one will try to tell you otherwise, and in this day and age, the economy is bad. Even though my husband makes decent money, we still sometimes struggle from paycheck to paycheck. The cost of living is only increasing, while wages are staying stagnant. We just don’t have the extra money to consider bringing a child into this world and not being stressed from a financial stand point.
I know many people say it’s worth it, but you know what’s worth it to me? Being financially stable and knowing that I don’t have to worry about making sure my child is fed and properly taken care of. If I did have a kid, I’d never let that child suffer, but I’d rather be childless and financially okay, than have a child and have to stress about how to make our money stretch even further than it already doesn’t.
This might be one of the more selfish reasons for deciding to not have kids, but we like our freedom. The idea that we can just go out and do whatever is a very appealing part to being child free. I know that in many cases parents can still do everything they want with a kid, but let’s be real: everything changes when you become a parent. And as I’ve gotten older, the idea of sacrificing my flexibility and freedom kind of makes me want to scream. I’d rather get older and realize I want a kid, and adopt, than bring one into this world too soon and possibly regret the decision.
Pregnancy & Childbirth
Guys? Pregnancy and childbirth sucks. I’ve talked to many women who sometimes throw on the rose colored glasses and tell me it’s worth it, but many women have told me how much being pregnant just flat out sucks. Then, labor and birthing is painful and overall just not a great experience. The more I learned about what happens during labor and pregnancy, the more I realized that pushing something the size of watermelon out of my nether regions while I writhe in excruciating pain isn’t really on my top 10 list of things I’d like to do in my life time.
We Just Don’t Want To
I feel like to want to have kids, you really need to be passionate about it. When my husband first got married, we really wanted kids, but my husband had always presented with this strange… I don’t want to call it aversion, but fear that we’d end up pregnant before we were ready. Ready is kind of a weird topic in parenting, because no one is truly ready, but when I say ready, I mean financially. I also mean stability wise, making sure we were in a stable home, that wasn’t going to result in us moving or being unable to provide for that child.
The older we got, the more we started to get settled in our routine, and the more those realizations of being stable and financially ready became a reality, the more we realized that it’s not so much that we couldn’t make it work, but rather we just didn’t want to. My husband and I are constantly asked when we’re going to have kids, and it’s always awkward. We throw out excuses: money, time, mental health, but there’s always a rebuttal from people. In reality, the biggest reason we’ve decided to remain childless is because we just don’t want to have kids right now. I’m just going to start telling people that and not really allowing the conversation to go further.
To be completely honest, it’s none of anyone’s business for why we aren’t having kids. While our reasons are less severe, sometimes not having children isn’t a choice; it’s medically necessary to keep someone alive and healthy. Or, maybe they have tried, but are unable to conceive.
So, before you tell me I’ll regret not having kids, maybe consider that I would regret having kids if I did just because society tells me that I can only be a “woman” if I procreate. My husband and I are happy without children, and it’ll stay that way until (or if) we change our minds.
Until next time, Internet.
If you would like to email #Fearless, you can send any questions, concerns, comments or suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. We do our best to respond within 48 hours, but if for some reason we cannot get back to you in that time frame, we promise we will always respond as soon as possible. You can also find us on any of the following social media sites: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram!
Lastly, we support an Emetophobia Support Group on Facebook. Emetophobia is the intense and irrational fear of throwing up, and it is one struggle we are passionately engaged in. It is a closed, by request only group to help facilitate sharing and support by all members. It is also private, meaning that the posts you and others make will not show up publicly in your newsfeed.