Just last month I was officially diagnosed with Inattentive ADD (ADD-I). It’s something that honestly sums up most of my life’s struggles, and can wrap up weird “shows some symptoms that are almost this but aren’t this” traits. Specifically involving my OCD tendencies with hyper focus, obsessions, and overall ruminating, if you’re wondering.
So, in honor of this momentous occasion, I’ve decided to share with you 7 of the many tasks that ADD makes really, really hard for me.
- Any task that requires me to take something somewhere that’s outside the home. I literally cannot tell you that if something requires me to take something somewhere, it’s likely never going to get done. I should know better than to offer to mail things to people at this point, because I know it’ll get lost to the void. The motivation to get up and take a package to the post office, or forms back to the respective place of business is at negative numbers. I truly can’t be bothered, which is extra annoying because it’s a truly simple task that takes almost no effort at all in the grand scheme of it all. Honestly, even just putting things in an envelope and putting it in my mailbox can be a week long ordeal if I let it. It’s a surprise to me that I managed to get my wedding invitations out 6 years ago.
- Basically any chore, especially if it’s going to take longer than a few minutes. This is likely one of the bigger issues that plagues my relationship with my husband: chores. I cannot begin to tell you how difficult it is for me to do simple chores around the house. I have two modes when it comes to cleaning: I can’t be bothered or I WILL CLEAN ALL THE THINGS FOR 14 HOURS STRAIGHT. There really isn’t any in between. I find that sometimes I can tell myself, “Just vacuum.” Nothing else will get done, mind you, but I will vacuum that floor. Or, “Just unload the dishwasher.” I can easily do pieces of chores, but if you told me to clean the whole kitchen? Well, I’d likely either never start, or get bored after 5 to 10 minutes and give up and have a partly unloaded dishwasher.
- Responding to messages, emails or calls. I didn’t always struggle with this task as much as I do now, but it’s something that is making the list because it’s really gotten to a point where I’m wondering if I secretly just want people to think I hate them. I have this weird mindset now where I will receive a message or a text, respond to it in my brain, and then forget it was ever sent to me. I will also do this thing where, I will read your message, tell myself I’ll respond later, forget, and then send some kind of unrelated message or meme that makes it seem like I honestly didn’t give two shits about what you sent prior. It’s also horrible when you have a business, and responding to messages and emails is kind of what you do to build clientelle. I find it’s one of the worst parts of my job, and the more I forget to respond to people, the more dejected I feel that I’m failing my clients or my friends and family.
- Asking other people about themselves or their lives. Again, this is one of those tasks that honestly has gotten worse the older I’ve gotten, but it’s something I’ve noticed I’ve done more often as of late. I swear I’m not a self centered person, but I sometimes struggle to remember to ask people about how they are doing or about them in general. People ask me, and I start rambling, and then by the time it’s all said and done, it’s one of those things where my mind goes: ASK THE ABOUT THEIR WORK/LIFE, DO IT! But for some reason, I get anxious it’s too far gone and then I don’t say anything at all. Then, I sit there and obsess about whether or not they think I’m rude, or if I’m actually a horrible person masquerading as a decent human being (this is a slight call back to last month’s post, if you’re interested in reading that!). And, this may be the WORST of all: trying to focus on what they’re saying and be able to respond candidly is such a chore now. I sometimes find it’s just easier to not ask, to avoid the awkward “oops, they’ve been talking to me for a few minutes and I remember none of it because I was so in my head; oh god what do I do? Nod, smile and laugh I guess”.
- Getting out of bed to be on time to ANYTHING. I know myself well enough now that if it starts before 10:00 a.m., the likelihood I’ll be on time CONSISTENTLY is slim to none. I joke that I can be awake but not up, which means my eyes may be open but I won’t be human until at least another hour or two; and I definitely most likely won’t be out of bed until that hour or two is up. I should also mention that no amount of caffeine will expedite that process. In fact, caffeine does very little for me, if anything at all. I tend to just lay in bed, knowing I should be out of bed by a certain time to get everything done, but I just can’t physically seem to motivate myself out. Then, before I know it, it’s 10 minutes before I’m supposed to leave, and I’m stressed out because I’m late. Sometimes I can get up right when my alarm goes off, and be somewhere on time, but more times than not? It’s a struggle to wake up, it’s a struggle to get up, and it’s a struggle to be on time.
- Showering (Consistently). Okay, I know, this one may seem like a gross one but I’m in the business of being honest, so here goes. Showering consistently is a MAJOR chore. It’s something I don’t enjoy doing, and I’d rather never have to do it again. It takes so much mental effort to build myself up for a shower, and sure, once I’m in there I’m totally fine, but trying to convince myself that I should stop my mindless surfing on the internet to shower for 20 minutes? Low on the priority list. Plus, having rainbow hair tanks any motivation because there are a lot of extra steps involved. Rinse my hair in cold water, shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse; then hop in the shower and clean the rest of me, dry off, get dressed, and then dry my hair. While that doesn’t seem like that much for most, to me it’s a TON of steps and really it shouldn’t be that hard but it is.
- Keeping Track of & Finding Important Items. Despite my Hufflepuff nature, finding things is not in my wheelhouse. Well, that’s not entirely true. I either have no idea where anything is, or I can recall exactly where a single nail was placed 3 months ago without a single hesitation. It’s my weird, ADD brain super power. Items on my most lost list? Keys, wallet, phone, and shoes. The moment the item leaves my hands, if I don’t fully go, “I am putting my keys down here, do not forget they are here” the keys or any item is immediately lost to the abyss of my mind. So, you can imagine, finding items that you don’t remember where you placed them is kind of a struggle. I once lost my keys for 3 days, couldn’t figure out where I placed them, and then jokingly said “I bet you they are somewhere ridiculous, like in our downstairs bedroom.” Guys, they were downstairs in our spare bedroom. How did they get there? I don’t know. Why were they there? I don’t know. I just know this is my life and it drives me crazy.
This list could honestly go on for ages, but these are the 7 most common problem areas in my life because of ADD. I honestly feel relieved to know I have this diagnosis because now my life makes sense, so feel free to share with me other ways ADD impacts your life, and if you’re up to it, how you get around it!
Until next time, Internet!
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