All posts filed under: We Are #Fearless

#Fearless Family: Why I Stayed

By CMT #Fearless Family Writer I had a good portion of this written, and then I erased it all. After a period of dwelling and analyzing, I realized that I was writing down every horrible thing he did to me and found myself explaining my actions to possible readers. I was writing out of anger and I wanted to drudge up a “She-woman Man Hater” club. I wanted strangers to hate him. I was writing from a place of anger and re-living every negative detail made it feel like it was happening all over again. I’ve spent two years trying to heal and forgive him and I was slowly undoing my progress. “Why did you stay? I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. Well, if it was me, I would have left before it started.” Whenever I try to talk about my experience about being in an abusive relationship, those are the words that I hear the most. No one likes to be abused and no one stays for fun. I can’t speak …

#Fearless Family: Navigating Alcoholism’s Aftermath

By Alexa M. #Fearless Family Writer I am 26 years old, and a full blown millennial. I shared my wedding pictures on Facebook the day I got them, my snapchat is approximately 99% my dog and 1% my anxiety attacks, and I wanted Bernie Sanders to win the election. Part of the territory of being my age (and any age after me, really) is having friends discuss their longing to return back to the “good ol’ days”. You know, the days when their biggest worry was finishing their math homework, or whether that birthday invite was coming in the mail. Not working 40 hours a week or trying to pay the bills on time. After all, “adulting” is hard. But I can’t identify with that. Despite my mortgage, car insurance and student loan payments, I would never wish to go back to my childhood. You see, I’m an adult child of alcoholics. Both of my parents are alcoholic/addicts, and even though they are in recovery now, the events of my childhood still affect me to …

Gender vs. Sex: A #Fearless Perspective

Over the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of talking about the difference between a person’s sex and a person’s gender. Primarily to people on Facebook, which is a terrible mistake if I’m being honest. My talking to people about this was in part to the recent announcement by the POTUS that he is going to ban transgender military personnel from serving or enlisting to serve. So, as you can imagine, trying to educate in the midst of a heated debate usually ends badly for someone who shares an unpopular opinion on a thread. But, if there’s any good that came from this, it’s that the topic on the difference between sex and gender is widely ignored. Many people don’t know that there is a difference between gender and sex, and they especially don’t know how they play very different parts into a persons life based. I contemplated whether or not talking about this was smart, but I decided oh what the heck? Why not use this platform to discuss the differences between …

#Fearless Family: An Open Letter To My Abuser – I Forgive You

By No Longer A Victim #Fearless Family Writer To My Abuser: When you first came into my life, I had no idea you would be one of my worst nightmares. I looked up to you as a father figure, a friend. Little did I know it was all a disguise to get what you really wanted…me. You not only took my innocence, my happiness, and those 2 years of my life, but you also took away future years of confidence, countless nights of wonderful dreams, trust in others (including the man who is now my husband), and feelings of safety. Over 10 years later, and I still have nights where I relive what you did to me in my dreams. It took me years to learn to not cringe or shy away when my husband gets close to me. I now live in a state of anxiety of people who get too close to my daughter, terrified that the same thing might happen to her. She’s only 5, and yet I’ve already begun teaching her …

#Fearless Quote of the Week: July 24-July 30

This week’s quote was chosen by Chelsie S., writer for (and owner of) #Fearless. See what it is and why she chose it below: “This quote is something I feel like I need constant reminder of, especially in the realm of mental health. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we’re not moving fast enough, or not making enough progress, but every journey is different. You could take the tiniest steps, or spend several days contemplating each step, but as long as you keep pushing yourself towards your goal, and never give up, you’re doing all you can to help yourself. Don’t judge yourself based on how fast someone else recovered – your speed does not matter. Be gentle on yourself, you’re only human after all.” Do you want to be featured on #Fearless? It’s as simple as sending in your favorite inspirational quote, poetry verse, movie quote or song lyric, and explaining why you love it! To submit a quote, please visit the #Fearless QOTW submission page, or email the …

#Fearless Family: My Partners Perspective of My Journey

By Amy C. #Fearless Family Writer I don’t know about other emotional abuse survivors, but I often look at my current romantic partner – my husband to be, no less – and think, “How can you put up with me? Why do you stay with me, even when I have my wobbles? Hasn’t it been an awful chore?! Why do you stay and put yourself through that?!” It’s a scar left by living with someone who made it clear they found me tedious, boring, and stupid, and still influences my thought patterns to this day. The difference now is that I don’t let it take me down. I recognise them and do something about them, so you know what I did about these questions? I asked them. I’m not at home to repressing and hiding my questions, imagining the worst, and living with crippling doubt and self-loathing anymore. If I want to know what my love really thinks, I ask him, safe and confident in the knowledge that he will answer honestly and respectfully…and often …

#Fearless Family: You Can Love Again After Emotional Abuse

By Amy C. #Fearless Family Writer Three years ago today, I was in hell. I’d been in a relationship for almost four and a half years, and three and a half of them had been emotionally abusive. I didn’t realise that I had been abused until it was over; sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see what we have become. I had become a grey, drab, genderless thing, constantly unwell and tired and run-down, and trying to weakly shuffle through each day as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. I was a nervous wreck, constantly hyper-vigilant, and hyper-aware that everything I said, everything I did, and sometimes literally every move I made, would be sneered at and ridiculed by the person who would then turn around and say he loved me. I was 29 years old and going to bed at 7:30 p.m. every night through sheer emotional exhaustion, and a desire to avoid my abuser’s notice. He made it clear he was happier when I was not around, anyway, and I was desperately …

Introducing: Dear Fearless…

In an effort to keep this site new and diverse, we here at #Fearless are very excited to announce the newest addition to our weekly content: Dear Fearless… What is Dear Fearless? Simply put, it’s our version of an advice column. You, our readers, will submit questions anonymously to our advice columnist, Fearless, and then Fearless will give the best advice they can based on the information you gave them. Each week (likely Saturdays at 10:00 a.m. ET), we’ll publish a new advice column and hopefully help the world one article at a time. Once we have a couple questions lined up, we will start publishing them. We will post only when we receive requests for advice, but we hope to make this a weekly column very soon! So, if you want to submit to our new column, here’s what you need to know: All questions will be anonymous, and we suggest you use a creative pen name to sign off as so you know your question is being answered! If you can’t think of …

#Fearless Family: When You Think You Know Best For Someone With Mental Illness

By Face to Face With The Sky #Fearless Family Writer I like to think of myself as a compassionate person. The type who puts myself in other people’s shoes. I’m there for my friends, and when needed I’m a shoulder to cry on. But sometimes, I’m not the sweet, compassionate person I think I am. Last year, my close friend was diagnosed with a mental health condition. We’re in touch almost constantly, sharing feelings and swapping ideas. As someone who has also been through my share of mental illness, I find it easy to have compassion for her. Until she makes a choice I don’t agree with. When that happens, I feel my blood boiling. Gone is the compassionate understanding friend. Instead I’m angry. How could she do such a thing? Doesn’t she see she’s only making her recovery harder? Once I lashed out and gave her a lecture about what she “should” do instead. How do you think that went over? You guessed it: she felt alienated and I felt like was talking to …

#Fearless Family: Coping Does Not Equal Better

By Leigh #Fearless Family Writer I suffer migraines. That sentence could end with any sort of chronic illness or pain. Arthritis. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Fibromyalgia. Cancer. The list goes on. I suffer… Many of us use this terminology because of the danger of using a different one. The real sentence is: I cope with migraines. You cope with pain. You cope with fatigue. You pick yourself up day after day and you get done what needs doing. You do either the same amount as someone who doesn’t deal with chronic illness or pain or you manage what you are capable of at that point in time. The reason “I cope” is so dangerous is that it begins a flood of well-wishing that becomes a tipping point into expectation. “You’re doing great!” “I’m so glad to see how well you’re doing!” “It’s fantastic how well you’ve managed to keep up!” “We’re so proud of how well you’ve done!” These feel great at the start, but after a while they become a burden. Soon it can become: …