All posts filed under: Love & Life

#Fearless Family: My Partners Perspective of My Journey

By Amy C. #Fearless Family Writer I don’t know about other emotional abuse survivors, but I often look at my current romantic partner – my husband to be, no less – and think, “How can you put up with me? Why do you stay with me, even when I have my wobbles? Hasn’t it been an awful chore?! Why do you stay and put yourself through that?!” It’s a scar left by living with someone who made it clear they found me tedious, boring, and stupid, and still influences my thought patterns to this day. The difference now is that I don’t let it take me down. I recognise them and do something about them, so you know what I did about these questions? I asked them. I’m not at home to repressing and hiding my questions, imagining the worst, and living with crippling doubt and self-loathing anymore. If I want to know what my love really thinks, I ask him, safe and confident in the knowledge that he will answer honestly and respectfully…and often …

#Fearless Family: You Can Love Again After Emotional Abuse

By Amy C. #Fearless Family Writer Three years ago today, I was in hell. I’d been in a relationship for almost four and a half years, and three and a half of them had been emotionally abusive. I didn’t realise that I had been abused until it was over; sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see what we have become. I had become a grey, drab, genderless thing, constantly unwell and tired and run-down, and trying to weakly shuffle through each day as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. I was a nervous wreck, constantly hyper-vigilant, and hyper-aware that everything I said, everything I did, and sometimes literally every move I made, would be sneered at and ridiculed by the person who would then turn around and say he loved me. I was 29 years old and going to bed at 7:30 p.m. every night through sheer emotional exhaustion, and a desire to avoid my abuser’s notice. He made it clear he was happier when I was not around, anyway, and I was desperately …

Introducing: Dear Fearless…

In an effort to keep this site new and diverse, we here at #Fearless are very excited to announce the newest addition to our weekly content: Dear Fearless… What is Dear Fearless? Simply put, it’s our version of an advice column. You, our readers, will submit questions anonymously to our advice columnist, Fearless, and then Fearless will give the best advice they can based on the information you gave them. Each week (likely Saturdays at 10:00 a.m. ET), we’ll publish a new advice column and hopefully help the world one article at a time. Once we have a couple questions lined up, we will start publishing them. We will post only when we receive requests for advice, but we hope to make this a weekly column very soon! So, if you want to submit to our new column, here’s what you need to know: All questions will be anonymous, and we suggest you use a creative pen name to sign off as so you know your question is being answered! If you can’t think of …

#Fearless Family: It’s The Little Things In Love

By Cheryl Fazio #Fearless Family Writer I used to attach a great deal of significance to grand gestures.  I was in an abusive relationship and always waiting for my ex to make some unequivocal declaration of love that would dispel all my doubts; I was waiting for something that would somehow make the cheating, manipulation, and lies all magically okay.  Now I’ve been married almost a year and I have a new perspective on grand gestures. My relationship with my spouse, Senia, progressed incredibly naturally.  We met blogging about George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series.  Specifically, we met blogging (and writing erotic fanfiction) about probably the most objectively villainous family in the ASOIAF universe, House Bolton.  Most infamous for their practice of flaying their enemies, and occasionally wearing cloaks made from the skin, “Bolton fandom” was understandably a very niche subgroup of the larger ASOIAF fandom.   I found this subset at a fortuitous time. Apparently, I’d just missed a lot of drama involving clashes between Bolton fans and some …

#Fearless Family: What To Expect From US Healthcare

By Lindsey LaForge #Fearless Family Writer Interacting with the healthcare system can be a daunting and anxiety provoking experience, especially if you’ve never done it on your own! Knowing what to expect ahead of time can help lessen some of that anxiety and uncertainty. This article discusses some of the common healthcare settings (in the United States) and answers some general questions to help you prepare! Doctor’s Offices How do I get a doctor? Do a quick internet search for your area or use your insurance company’s website to search for covered providers. Then, call and see if they are: a) accepting new patients, and b) accepting your insurance. If you don’t have insurance, some offices have programs in place to provide free or lower cost care. Don’t be afraid to call and ask! My doctor’s office has a doctor and a nurse practitioner/physician’s assistant. Which one should I see? In a primary care setting, either is fine! Nurse practitioners or physicians assistants can do most of the same things a doctor can do (do …

We Are Fearless: Let’s Talk About Post Partum Depression

By Brittany Legg #Fearless Family Writer When you hear about someone having postpartum depression, you probably think of the stories on the news about women harming their children. These are extreme cases, though they do happen. I went through the experience of having post-partum depression (PPD) after the birth of my daughter, and never laid a hand on her. While I was thrilled that she had finally arrived, after a few weeks of being home something just didn’t feel right. I was constantly worried something was going to happen to her. I couldn’t sit still and just enjoy bonding with her. At first, I just believed that it was due to being a new mom for the first time, and also to my extreme lack of sleep. So, I started doing a little research online, mostly to find others who had felt this way. Turns out, PPD is more common than you think.

We Are Fearless: Sorry Not Sorry

By Jen of The Wishing Well #Fearless Family Writer I don’t remember the day I started apologizing for my own existence. I just know that in first grade, I refused to look my teacher in the eye. Days, weeks, months went by before I would meet her eyes. This is just one example of my lifelong struggle with low self confidence. My knee-jerk reaction to being noticed or making my needs known is to apologize. “I’m sorry.” Along with the “I’m sorry” statements go other statements of low self-respect: “I’m so bad at…” “I hate to be a bother, but…” It also goes along with feelings of guilt and, sometimes, even self-loathing. It’s taken me many years to understand that the “I’m sorry” reflex is a function of people-pleasing. And the people-pleasing cycle needs to stop! It’s one thing to act with kindness and respect for others as well as yourself. It’s another to shape your own feelings and values to match what you think someone else wants to hear. To alter your own reality to …