All posts tagged: abuse

#Fearless Family: Why I Stayed

By CMT #Fearless Family Writer I had a good portion of this written, and then I erased it all. After a period of dwelling and analyzing, I realized that I was writing down every horrible thing he did to me and found myself explaining my actions to possible readers. I was writing out of anger and I wanted to drudge up a “She-woman Man Hater” club. I wanted strangers to hate him. I was writing from a place of anger and re-living every negative detail made it feel like it was happening all over again. I’ve spent two years trying to heal and forgive him and I was slowly undoing my progress. “Why did you stay? I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. Well, if it was me, I would have left before it started.” Whenever I try to talk about my experience about being in an abusive relationship, those are the words that I hear the most. No one likes to be abused and no one stays for fun. I can’t speak …

#Fearless Family: An Open Letter To My Abuser – I Forgive You

By No Longer A Victim #Fearless Family Writer To My Abuser: When you first came into my life, I had no idea you would be one of my worst nightmares. I looked up to you as a father figure, a friend. Little did I know it was all a disguise to get what you really wanted…me. You not only took my innocence, my happiness, and those 2 years of my life, but you also took away future years of confidence, countless nights of wonderful dreams, trust in others (including the man who is now my husband), and feelings of safety. Over 10 years later, and I still have nights where I relive what you did to me in my dreams. It took me years to learn to not cringe or shy away when my husband gets close to me. I now live in a state of anxiety of people who get too close to my daughter, terrified that the same thing might happen to her. She’s only 5, and yet I’ve already begun teaching her …

#Fearless Family: You Can Love Again After Emotional Abuse

By Amy C. #Fearless Family Writer Three years ago today, I was in hell. I’d been in a relationship for almost four and a half years, and three and a half of them had been emotionally abusive. I didn’t realise that I had been abused until it was over; sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see what we have become. I had become a grey, drab, genderless thing, constantly unwell and tired and run-down, and trying to weakly shuffle through each day as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. I was a nervous wreck, constantly hyper-vigilant, and hyper-aware that everything I said, everything I did, and sometimes literally every move I made, would be sneered at and ridiculed by the person who would then turn around and say he loved me. I was 29 years old and going to bed at 7:30 p.m. every night through sheer emotional exhaustion, and a desire to avoid my abuser’s notice. He made it clear he was happier when I was not around, anyway, and I was desperately …