All posts tagged: panic

Finding #Fearless: The Epilogue, Part Two

This is part one of a two part follow up to my series Finding #Fearless. Names and locations have been changed to protect identities.  Epilogue, Part One | Epilogue, Part Two After only seeing my therapist twice in two months, I walked in to my appointment in September feeling different about being there. He asked me, “How are things going, let’s get an update on the past month?” I took a moment, and that’s when I told him: “I don’t know, I just don’t feel like I need to be here today.” That’s actually pretty freaking huge. About a month ago my therapist declared me recovered from emetophobia. It was a very odd transition, because I had literally just started getting back to a normal state of mind. And, not soon after that, I started to have anxiety flare ups again that made me start to question if I could really be recovered. Did he speak too soon, or did I bite the bait too quickly? What if I wasn’t ready to be deemed recovered and …

Finding #Fearless: The Epilogue, Part One

This is part one of a two part follow up to my series Finding #Fearless. Names and locations have been changed to protect identities.  Epilogue, Part One | Epilogue, Part Two This article does discuss topics that may be triggering to those struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts or self harm. If you ever feel like you need hope in a time of darkness, please call 1-800-273-8255. Usually epilogues find themselves nestled safely at the tail end of any published story that warrants one. They don’t typically surface many months or years down the road, but in the case of my story, the epilogue is a bit fashionably late. When I sat down to begin this site, I opened up the inner workings of my mind, and shared six unique, but intricately intertwined, stories of how #Fearless came to be more than just a webpage, but my way of life. I explored my childhood, my teenage years, my anxiety, my self harm, my sexuality, my fears and my hopes. This carefully crafted journey through my life …

Recovery Is Not Easy

Recovery is not easy. Anyone who tells you that recovery is easy is a liar, and that’s coming from someone who considers herself an eternal optimist. I’m an advocate for empowering people through lifting them up, showing them the strength they possess to face the upcoming battles of mental health recovery; but sometimes being honest is better than being optimistic. Recovery is not easy, and sometimes it’s downright scary. It’s unnerving, it’s stressful, it’s exhausting. It’s a constant uphill battle, it’s slipping and falling, and having to set boundaries with people that you know aren’t helping you achieve your goal. It’s finding a way to know what you need to be your best self, all while maintaining some sense of normalcy. Recovery is finding the courage to get up and fight the same demons that beat you down yesterday, approaching with a new tactic and still failing. It’s realizing that sometimes to win a war, you have to fight the same battle over and over again, on different days, in different settings. When I started …

#Fearless Family: There’s Always Light In The Dark

The following post contains content that could be triggering to those currently struggling with self harm and/or depression. If you ever in crisis or need hope in a time of darkness, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US) or, for those not in the states, to a Suicide Hotline in the UK. By Ches Powell #Fearless Family Writer It’s easy to say I have an addictive personality. As well as an expressive one. For me it’s natural to slip into dangerous patterns of behaviour. Follow the loop round from a trigger to a full blown breakdown. That’s how I lost six months of my life that I will never get back. It was September. There were leaves still on the trees, although they were starting to fall by then. I was obsessed with some song that I’ve forgotten the name of now. It was one of those songs that pretty much sucked except that one line you really identify with. I don’t even remember the line now, but I remember singing it to myself …

Mental Health Awareness Month: How #Fearless Is Getting Involved!

A year ago, my old site, You, Me & Emetophobia, did it’s very first Mental Health Awareness Fundraiser. I sold arm knit scarves in a variety of colors, and the entire purchase went directly to two charities that I had selected. Last year we raised $220 for charity, and I was blown away by the response the scarves received. That was really the only major MHAM event that You, Me & Emetophobia did, and in hindsight I wish I had done so much more. So, this year, #Fearless is taking it to an entirely new level, and making MHAM a big, month long event for the #Fearless community! Beginning May 1, #Fearless will be transitioning into a mental health megaphone, and we’re pretty excited about it. Here is a list of all the wonderful things we have planned for the month of May that we can’t wait for you to get involved in: T-Shirt Fundraiser. This May, instead of trying to convince people that a arm knit scarf is a perfect for them, despite it …

What If It Comes Back?

I will frequently sit on the counters of my kitchen to talk to my husband about my problems. Strangely enough, it only seems to be those conversations that produce counter sitting. Perhaps I’ve just found a way for my husband to immediately hone in on serious conversations. Well, one evening in particular I plopped myself atop the counter, and blurted out: “So what happens if this comes back?” He was completely confused because this question had come out of nowhere, at least to him. In my mind, however, I had already been reeling for hours on end. “What if…what…comes back?” he asked. I replied to him, my anxieties and fears about depression, death, and losing control. “Well, you’ll handle it, just like you always do.” He was right, after all, that if my anxieties came back I would just manage them. I knew how to make myself relax, how to rationalize with the crazy voices in my head that made me believe lies and irrationalities. But it was in that moment I realized something tremendous: …

We Are #Fearless: The Imposter

By Julia Miller #Fearless Family Writer I’m a sophomore at a small, liberal-arts women’s college. When I went back home for winter break, predictably one of the first things I was asked about were my grades. How were they? Were my classes going well? Was I struggling? When I replied that I had received all A’s last semester, the other person would often smile, and say something along the lines of “Well, of course you did well,” or “that’s hardly a surprise.” While they were often happy for me, they never seemed surprised. And although that’s flattering in one sense, my reaction was rarely a positive one. Because for me, there was no “of course you did well.” When I was in the library at 2 AM for the third time that week, there was no “of course” about my success. My grades, although not a surprise for the other person, were a surprise for me – especially when earlier in the semester I had spent an hour crying over a C. Doing well in …

Five Pro Tips For Travel Induced Anxiety & Phobias!

A long, long time ago on a YouTube channel that won’t be named, I created a list of tips about how to manage travel induced anxiety. I made it in an adrenaline fueled rush about two hours before I left for my own flight, and honestly it probably could have been done better, but you live and learn…and hopefully forget. But, in honor of my own flight back east to see family, I figured it might be a good time to rehash the old, and make it new here on #Fearless. In fact, by the time you read this I’ll likely be in South Carolina, enjoying the warm sun and great time with family! I live by these tips, and if I didn’t have them tucked in my metaphorical tool belt, I likely wouldn’t be able to travel at all.

Finding #Fearless: The Shit Baton

This is the fifth part of a six part series called Finding #Fearless. It’s the story of my life, my journey and the struggles I’ve endured that have made me who I am today. All names and places have been changed to protect the people involved. To read the rest of the series, please click below: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six Did you know that I can feel sadness? I know it’s shocking that I, a sometimes functioning, occasionally awkward human, am capable of feeling the emotion of sadness. But it’s true, and it’s going to be a big headline news story, just you wait. And if that wasn’t enough to totally set a nuke off in that brain of yours, well, let me blow it even further: you can actually be afraid of feeling human emotions. Cue the synchronized mind blowing of every single person in this universe… all at one time. Okay, it’s not actually that big of a deal, but personally I …

Finding #Fearless: Conquering Emetophobia

This is the third part of a six part series called Finding #Fearless. It’s the story of my life, my journey and the struggles I’ve endured that have made me who I am today. All names and places have been changed to protect the people involved. To read the rest of the series, please click below: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six Emeto…what? That’s a pretty common response when I tell people about the phobia that has been a part of my life since essentially birth. Emetophobia, the irrational and intense fear of throwing up, is a very common, but generally unknown, panic disorder and phobia. People who suffer from emetophobia fall into one of the following categories: afraid of just themselves throwing up, afraid of just others throwing, or afraid of both themselves and others throwing up.